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Day 31: Making the Most of Your Singleness – Become the Spouse You Want

October 31, 2011 in 31 Days of Singleness, J Bryant Loves...or Not with 2 Comments

Happy Halloween!

That means it is October 31 – the last day of this Singleness series.

I’ve already written a few different posts about making the most of your singleness: 10 Things to Do Before Marriage, creating a 30 Before 30 List, and Don’t Miss It. Those posts gave suggestions on specific things to do while you are single. They encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone and stop waiting for your life to begin.

Today’s post is a little more focused. We are going to revisit The List from earlier this month. In case you didn’t read that post, it is a list of the qualities you are looking for in a spouse. I maintain the position that there isn’t anything inherently wrong with creating a list like this. But if you choose to make one, you need to realize it isn’t quite that simple.

Look at your list – do you live up to everything on it? On my list, I wrote down “He doesn’t disappear. No matter how awkward the conversation or uncomfortable the situation is, he doesn’t disappear.” But often, that is exactly how I handle things. I ignore texts or emails from guys that I’m not interested in instead of being honest and letting them down gracefully. I am definitely making progress in this area, but I still have a ways to go.

Instead of focusing on what you want in a spouse, maybe you should focus on becoming the kind of spouse you would want. Do you want someone who is honest and loyal? Make sure you are an honest and loyal person. Do you want someone who lives a life of grace and forgiveness? Examine your heart. Are you holding any grudges? It’s time to let them go. Use this list as a way to discover what is important to you. And to discover what qualities you may need to improve on.

Take this time to work on you. Make the most of this season of singleness to ensure that you are ready to be the kind of husband or wife you would want. Because you deserve the best; and so does your future spouse.

So, yes, you absolutely can make a list of qualities you want in a spouse. But you better be willing to live up to that list yourself!

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I also wanted to say thank you for all the positive feedback this month. Thank you for reading these posts day after day, and for all the comments and emails I’ve received. I appreciate it more than you know! And I hope you keep coming back even though the series is over :)

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Day 30: The Thirty Before Thirty List

October 30, 2011 in 31 Days of Singleness, Fearless - One Word 2011, J Bryant Loves...or Not with 1 Comment

We’ve all heard of bucket lists. A list of things to accomplish before death. I think it is an excellent idea. Such a great way to set concrete goals for our life. But since I’m hoping I have decades before I die, I thought I should give myself a different deadline.

I created a Thirty Before Thirty list.  Thirty things I want to accomplish before my thirtieth birthday.

You can check out my list here, but I want to encourage you to create your own! Pick a few simple ones, like taking a photography class or dancing in the rain, so you will be able to ease your way in. Next, pick some incredible goals, like publish a book or climb a mountain, to really push yourself. And fill the rest of the list in with whatever you want. Learn to make sushi, visit a city you’ve never seen, start a new business…these goals can be as big or as small as you want.

And you can absolutely do this at any age. If you are younger, create a 25 Before 25 list. If you are older, create a 35 Before 35 or 40 Before 40 list, even a 70 Before 70 list. This is your list – this is your life. You can do it however you want.

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.  Eleanor Roosevelt

Creating your own bucket list is simply a way to encourage yourself to pursue new experiences. To let go of fear occasionally and challenge yourself to do more. Challenge yourself to be more. You might even surprise yourself.

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Missed the earlier posts in this series? Find them here! 

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Day 29: The Thirteenth Saturday Linky Love

October 29, 2011 in 31 Days of Singleness, J Bryant Loves...or Not, Linky Love with 1 Comment

It’s here! The final Linky Love of October. So much goodness this week. I keep stumbling on to more amazing blogs. I love it!!

  1. S-s-s-sex by Cory Copeland. So Cory accused me of stealing this post…so I felt I should share it with you as penance. I guess it is kind of ok. (Just kidding! Please check it out – such a good post.)
  2. Learning to Live Again by Max Dubinsky. In case you haven’t noticed, this guy lands on this list almost every week. If you aren’t reading his posts, you are missing out.
  3. To the Girl Who is Tired of Waiting by Will Darden. Came across this post via Twitter. Such a great reminder to women out there: the good guys do exist. You just have to wait a little longer – and look a little harder.
  4. I Don’t Have to be a Slut to be Sexually Confident by Lauren Dubinsky. “Women are giving up on being the good woman they’ve been striving towards, because they’ve stopped believing the good men are out there.” They are out there, ladies. (See the first three links for proof.)
  5. Can Guys and Girls Be Friends? on Love and Respect Now. This post is just part one – check out all that have gone up, and check next week for the rest of the series. Great stuff here!
  6. Love Your Dream Too Much to Hate Someone Else’s by Jon Acuff. When someone hates on your dream, it usually means they are just jealous. They are too afraid to follow their own. So if you are hating someone’s dream – stop, and figure out what yours is. And then go after it.
  7. Single by Annie Downs. She shares 5 ways to be courageously single. Love it!
  8. A Letter to My Younger Self by Mary Trenda on the Good Woman Project. Oh, if only I could write a letter to my younger self – and it actually make a difference. How different would life be?
So I saw this video the other night, and I just had to share it. If you think it is funny, go check out their channel. I may or may not have spent my Thursday night watching their videos…

Day 28: Does Sexy Equal Slutty?

October 28, 2011 in 31 Days of Singleness, J Bryant Loves...or Not with 5 Comments

Since when did the word sexy become synonymous with the word slutty? I’m not exactly sure, but I’m inclined to blame Halloween.

What is it about Halloween that makes girls dress like…well, like sluts?

The Infamous Slutty Pumpkin on How I Met Your Mother

Most costumes these days are titled “Sexy” but should really be called slutty. The “Sexy Kitten” and the “Sexy Bumble Bee” are some of the top sellers this Halloween, at least according to the ad that keeps popping up on Google. But we don’t have to buy the costumes that way. We can make our own…and apparently even a pumpkin costume can be slutty.

I’m not judging anyone here. I’ve done it too. I’ve dressed as a French maid, a half-clothed genie, and Holly Golightly. At the time I thought that last one was rather classy. But I went with Holly in the oversized tux shirt instead of Holly in the black dress. Basically, I went with the “sexiest” version of Holly. (And upon further reflection, I realized that as classy as Audrey made that role, she was still playing a prostitute. So on my classiest Halloween night, I was dressed as a hooker.)

The problem is, we have let the word sexy become something it shouldn’t.

It shouldn’t be code for slutty Halloween costume. (Has anyone ever suggested you dress as a sexy librarian? Because I’ve received that suggestion multiple times. And I’m not sure I appreciate it.)

It is time to redefine sexy.

A woman is sexy when she is confident. When she is content and comfortable in her own skin. She is sexy when she is intelligent and knows who she is.

There’s no need to save that sexiness for Halloween. We can and should be this definition of sexy every day. And trust me, this version of sexy is much more comfortable!

How would you redefine sexy?

What’s coming up in the series? Making the Most of Your Singleness and The 30 Before 30.

Missed the earlier posts in this series? Find them here! 

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