In my experience, there are three stages of dating: the flirting, the ask, and the brush off. I’ve heard rumors that some people actually reach the alternate third level: relationship! But I’m not so familiar with that stage…so here we are.
I’ve experienced all three of these stages somewhat recently, so today I thought I’d share a few thoughts.
The Flirting. By all means, gentlemen, compliment a woman. We appreciate it, truly. But might I suggest not telling a woman “your name is so beautiful” when her name is Jennifer? It doesn’t seem very genuine. I know you have met dozens of Jennifers in your life. Have you said that line to every one of them? I like my name, but it is rather common. Perhaps compliment my eyes, shoes, hair, dress, something that makes me unique. Not the name that was one of the most popular names for girls born in the 80′s. Or, you know, just get a kitten. (Not really – pets are serious responsibilities. Maybe just borrow one?)
The Ask. I’ve always been an advocate for stepping up and asking a girl out on a date instead of passively trying to be her friend and getting stuck in the friend zone. Even if the girl in question is just someone who caught your eye at Petco or Buffalo Wild Wings. (These locations are based on true stories. Seriously.) One of the wrong ways to ask a stranger out is to stare at her for an uncomfortable period of time, wait for her to walk out the door and climb into her vehicle, and then knock on the window to get her attention. That is a little creepy, and may result in you getting sprayed in the face with mace. (Especially if the girl has seen too many episodes of Law & Order SVU or Criminal Minds.) The best way to ensure she will actually say yes to your question is to strike up a conversation. Maybe even ask for her name and some basic information. Just walking straight up to her and asking her out may earn you some points for boldness, but it is a little over aggressive. Or just have your friend lower you down from a branch while holding a flower. That’s pretty impressive.
The Brush Off. Men, can you do us a favor and just be honest? If you don’t want to see us again, that is ok. Just tell us. Please don’t say you are going to be super busy, but you still totally want to see us. Especially if we point blank ask it if is a brush off. Don’t lie and tell us no. Just step up and admit it. We will respect you so much more for it. Because your excuses are kinda bogus. No one is too busy to see someone they really care about. (Trust me. I’ve had friends take planes/trains/buses to see women they were interested in. I know guys that have driven through severe thunder/ice/snow storms for a girl. This is one area that He’s Just Not That Into You actually got right.) But ladies, this works both ways. If we expect them to be honest, we should as well. Even if it is awkward and uncomfortable. You can do it, I promise. So can we all agree to stop feeding each other these played-out excuses lines?